WOW Zone is proud to welcome Dr. Michael Edelstein on our site. His fresh perspective with wisdom and experience is a  wonderful addition to WOW Zone. 

Dr. Mike will be answering your questions on a regular column on WOW Zone. 

Send your questions for Dr. Mike at drmike@wowzone.com

Dr. Michael R. Edelstein

Dr. Michael R. Edelstein, a licensed clinical psychologist with over 25 years experience, is in private practice in San Francisco. He is the award-winning author of Three Minute Therapy: Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life, a self-help book for overcoming common emotional and behavioral problems.

In his practice, Dr. Edelstein specializes in the treatment of anxiety, depression, relationship problems, and addictions, and is one of the few practitioners of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) in the Bay Area. He is a SMART Recovery (SR) Professional Advisor and has served as a Rational Recovery (RR) Specialist. He is a Certified Sex Therapist and has served as a Consulting Psychologist for the National Save-A-Life League, Inc., the oldest suicide prevention center in the United States.

Dr. Edelstein lectures nationally and internationally, appears on radio and television, and is published in psychological journals. He is the creator of a five-step audiocassette weight-management program, and has produced tapes used for training psychotherapists. He writes the advice column, "Ask Dr. Mike," which appears in the San Francisco Intelligencer.

Dr. Edelstein is a Training Supervisor and Fellow of the Albert Ellis Institute. He holds a diploma in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy from, and is on the Board of Advisors of, the National Association of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapists. He is Past President of the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapy.

Albert Ellis, Ph.D., President, Albert Ellis Institute, New York, New York

 Ask Dr. Mike

Dear Dr. Mike:

        I'm a 32-year-old man who has been involved in a monogamous relationship with a 47-year-old woman for almost two years now. Problem: I want to tie the knot, but she doesn't. She says things are fine the way they are, but I'm hurt and bewildered by her refusal to take this final step together. Do you think she's hesitant because of our age difference?  --Bewildered 

Dear Bewildered:

        Perhaps, although her willingness to have a two-year monogamous relationship with you suggests that it may not be the age factor. Without additional input from her, however, we have little to go on in surmising her motivations. (Fortunately, lack of information has never stopped me from doing a little surmising!)

        She could feel there are problems in the relationship unrelated to age. She may be hoping these will improve, at which time she would consider tying the knot. Or perhaps she views wedded bliss as something she's experienced once or twice (or more) and consequently has had enough.

        But what does she say about all this? If you haven't inquired, or if you have and have gotten nowhere, a serious communication problem may exist. Try some of these questions to initiate a discussion: Do you ever want to get married? Under what circumstances? Since I would not want to continue the relationship without having the goal of marriage, are you willing to work together toward this? How do you feel about marrying a man 15 years your junior? What are your long term goals for our relationship?

        If communication continues to break down, consider whether a marriage with such blocked communication is really for you, or suggest relationship counseling.

        There's a useful lesson to be learned from your current dilemma: It's important to discuss values with your partner in the first few months, especially if the relationship depends on it.

Send your questions for Dr. Mike at drmike@wowzone.com