This
month's column is dedicated to Joseph Ticehurst and all of the new
friends I made at the "Facilitating
Skills Seminar."
Life's Lessons
How
come I have to keep learning the same lesson again and again?
Years ago I thought I'd learned that I
couldn't be "Father to the World." I made an attempt to
surround myself with people who would love and respect me by attempting
to create an intentional community in the 1970's. I invited a
number of people to hang out at our home and soon became a father figure
to some of them. I began to realize that things weren't going the
way I had hoped. Basically I felt like they were using me for a
free ride and were not accepting any responsibilities for themselves.
I got discouraged and
uninvited our houseguests. During a recent 8-day intensive seminar
with Jack Canfield, co-author of many of the "Chicken Soup for the
Soul" books, I discovered that I had not yet learned that lesson.
The workshop was called "Facilitating Skills Seminar" and was
designed to train us to become presenters of
seminars and classes on self-esteem. This is a subject that has
fascinated me for many years. The first time I purchased a set of
cassette tapes by Jack called "Self-Esteem and Peak
Performance" I was mesmerized. I listened to the tapes over
and over. Here was a man with a sense of humor who could get people to
do amazing things that they never allowed themselves the freedom to do
before. I attempted to do the exercises he taught on the tapes by
myself with some success.
This spring while enrolled in a course at our local community college I
was required to set some goals for
myself. I had decided that I wanted to teach the self-esteem
techniques that I had learned from Jack. If I was going to do that I
needed to get some more training. I went out on a limb and announced to
the class that I was going to go to California this summer and take the
eight-day seminar.
Next came the barriers I had to overcome in order to go. When I
made my decision I was jobless but soon I
had a job offer. When I told my new boss I was taking a week off
in July he said it would be difficult but
he could be flexible. I wasn't sure where I would get the money.
Then I received a letter stating that my
Aunt had remembered me in her will and I would be getting more than
enough money to cover my trip. Now
came the really hard part. I had to tell my wife that I was going
and would not be around to help her with
the annual clambake. (My wife runs a restaurant.) It took me
3 weeks to work up the courage to tell her.
There were over 100 participants from all over the world. My
roommate was from Australia. On the first
day of the workshop I told one of the women that I was a Reiki Master
(channel for healing energy from the
universe) and that I had been unable to give any treatments for the past
nine months. She was curious to know why and I kind of shrugged it
off as a personal thing. Well after a couple of sharing exercises
on Sunday and a lot of hugging my Reiki energy was back and I couldn't
shut it off. Monday night I announced to the group that I would be
happy to offer Reiki treatments to anyone who asked in exchange for a
hug. It seemed like everyone wanted to experience my healing touch and
it really stoked my ego.
One of the assignments we were given was to give a five-minute talk on
Friday where we would be critiqued
by a professional and also recorded on videotape. I began to write
my speech on Monday. On Thursday
evening I was planning to edit my speech and practice it when I was once
again asked to help someone in need
and I couldn't turn them down. The next day when it was my turn to
give my speech I did not do as well as
I would have liked. I was tired and distracted. When our
instructor asked me to try again I was unable to
accept her criticism.
I did not realize what I was doing until my roommate reminded me of all
the people I was trying to help.
This time I feel like I finally learned my lesson. I just can't be
"Father to the World." I can only help as many people as
physically possible, I can teach them how to help themselves and I can
remember that I have to take care of myself also.
© John Kaiser, August 2, 2000
I had the pleasure of being entertained by Jana Stanfield at the
seminar. She is called "The Queen of Heavy Mental."
If you want some great music with positive messages I highly recommend
her CD's. I purchased the two CD set "Brave Faith" which I'm
really enjoying. I even take it to the office and play it on my
computer. You won't be disappointed. Order her music at http://www.janastanfield.com
Acknowledgements: Many thanks to Kim Burnett and Dale Witherow for their
help and suggestions.